Nestled just to the north of Calistoga (and as such, not technically within the Napa Valley, but definitely still close enough to be just as good), Chateau Roi Colombe has been catering to some of the world's most-selective and most-discerning diners for over two hundred years. Today, the establishment boasts equal parts modern luxury and well-preserved historical significance, with rumors to the contrary being the result of naked envy on the part of competitors.
ORIGINS
Originally intended to be the foundation for a twenty-second Spanish mission, the first stones for Chateau Roi Colombe were laid in 1817 by an explorer identifying himself as Don David Risitas. While this moniker was soon discovered to be a fabrication – which also led to the revelation that the man held the support of neither the Spanish crown nor the Catholic church – the laborers who had been hired to work on the site were more than willing to continue with construction, owing largely to their employer's stated intention to "not worry so much about all of that god stuff." Unfortunately, the enigmatic figure vanished before the project could be completed, with his speculated end being death at the hands of an ornery seagull. As his true name and purpose have both been lost to history, suggestions that he haunts Chateau Roi Colombe are entirely without merit.
DEVELOPMENT
Following the disappearance of Don Risitas, word soon spread that a large tract of land had been excavated, but that very little had been built upon it. This attracted the attention of a recently arrived French prospector, Professeur Rieuse Colombe, the eventual founder of Chateau Roi Colombe. Having very little money, Colombe bartered for the grounds by cooking a meal for Governor Pablo Vicente de Solá, who agreed to the deal on the condition that Colombe never cook again. (Contrary to certain malicious rumors, this edict against culinary endeavors was issued because Colombe's fare was determined to be too extraordinary for consumption by anyone but saints.) With the property thus secured, Colombe resumed construction, turning what had once been intended to be the mission's catacombs (or possibly – according to fragments of notes appearing to match Don Risitas' handwriting – "una piscina de bolas") into a wine cellar. This also prompted him to begin growing grapes, as he felt that a wine cellar devoid of any wine was somewhat pointless. The first vines were planted in 1818, and they are still present to this day.
EXPANSION
Although Colombe's first harvest would not be celebrated until 1822, success came in the meantime from another source: A recent clash with the pirate Hippolyte Bouchard had left Governor Solá searching for ways of effectively interrogating potential enemies, and he came upon the idea of tempting them with Colombe's food. According to eyewitness accounts, prisoners brought to Chateau Roi Colombe would be so enchanted by the prospect of eating these ambrosial meals that they would provide any information that was requested of them. This reputation soon spread, and by 1820, hundreds were flocking to the fledgling vineyard every month in the hopes of sampling its delicacies. Plans for a dedicated winery were soon adapted to include a large ballroom, three dining rooms, and four lounges (one of which was furnished entirely with inflated rubber).
LOOKING FORWARD
Despite frequently describing the Chateau as his greatest accomplishment, Colombe reportedly grew listless in 1829. Mexican independence had wrested California from Spanish control in 1821, leading to a boom in the number of European and American settlers nearby, but stymying the flow of wealthy aficionados. In September of 1829, Rieuse Colombe announced that he would be departing, leaving explicit instructions for how the estate should be handled. Tragically, the man's distinct hat and coat were found near a beach only a few days later, with only some still-present seagull feathers hinting at his fate. Although whispers abounded that Colombe had faked his death, it was generally accepted that he had expired, and it was unanimously agreed that his spirit absolutely did not take to haunting the rubber-furnished lounge. Since then, recipes have been passed down from chef to chef, remaining almost entirely unchanged over the years. The arrival of the twentieth century heralded the advent of many technological marvels and societal shifts, making Chateau Roi Colombe a choice destination for those who could afford it. By 1921, it hosted celebrities, dignitaries, and select individuals who had somehow learned the secret password. Even today, the establishment is considered to be one of the finest on the planet... but its doors are now opening to people from all walks of life.
With the rise in the Bay Area's housing prices came a new wave of curious diners who were interested in sampling the very best in global cuisine. Recognizing that it had a responsibility to these sophistocated souls, Chateau Roi Colombe began serving not just the wealthy and influential, but anyone who was willing and able to take advantage of the incredibly reasonable payment plans which had been devised. While 2020's sudden outbreak of a global pandemic has reduced the number of travelers, Chateau Roi Colombe stands ready to welcome you to the culinary experience of a lifetime, and to assure you that no part of its lavish acreage or architecture is in any way haunted.
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